


Erectile Dysinformation

by King Baka (kingbaka22)



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Comedy, Complete, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingbaka22/pseuds/King%20Baka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inuyasha has a run-in with a little blue pill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Erectile Dyinformation

**Author's Note:**

> A/N – My first dedicated comedy, an oldie but a goodie, so to speak. Written in 2009 and lightly edited in 2015. This story features under-age drinking (legal age in Japan is 20), so consider yourself warned. Rated for bad language and sexually-related material (nothing explicit). 
> 
> Awards:  
> 1st Place Best Comedy – Inuyasha FanGuild, 1st Quarter 2009  
> 2nd Place Best Humorous Fiction – Feudal Association, March 2009

Sometimes Inuyasha wondered how he got himself into these situations. Well, this time it was more like Kagome had gotten him into it. Her friend Eri was hosting an “end of summer” par-tee, something which the wench explained was like the festivals humans attended in his time. In some aspects, it was. The main activities were talking and dancing. Fortunately, Kagome was content to only partake in the former, as he had no idea how to dance. They mingled for a while, or rather, Kagome mingled. He did his best to stick close to her and impress upon any interested males that she was taken. Now they were lounging on the couch, she nestled securely into his side with his arm looped around her shoulders, chatting amicably to some girl he had never met. Apparently she was a classmate or something. He didn’t really care; he was just glad Kagome was having a good time.

 

Personally, he couldn’t wait until they left, for several reasons. The first was that Kagome had promised him a ‘special reward’ to convince him to come. He smirked; he had become quite fond of her ‘special rewards’ since their first night together over five months ago. They certainly weren’t the nervous virgins they used to be; his nearly insatiable appetite for her had seen to that. But then, he rarely had to put much effort into convincing her to join him in a tryst. Sometimes she initiated the encounters herself, and he always found it incredibly sexy when she did. So yes, he was dying to get the hell out of this crowded house so he could get Kagome alone. _And naked…_

 

But there were other reasons he wanted out as well. For example, the ungodly music blasting through the first floor. For once, he was glad he had to wear his stupid hat; the fabric at least muffled the sound somewhat. And then there was the alcohol. When it was offered to her, Kagome respectfully refused for the both of them, and for that he was grateful. It would impair his ability to keep an eye on her, and he just didn’t feel comfortable drinking in the company of strangers. Later, Kagome told him that by drinking, most of these kids were doing something ‘elleegal,’ meaning they could get into big trouble with something called the ‘pole-eese.’ Apparently, you had to be twenty years old before you were allowed to drink in this strange time.

 

Now mind you, he didn’t give a rat’s ass what the other kids did. The thing about the alcohol that bothered him was the smell. Specifically, it was the smell of what Kagome euphemistically referred to as ‘beer breath.’ _Feh! More like a bunch of stinking humans who can’t belch with their mouths closed!_ Still, he couldn’t say he regretted accompanying Kagome to the party. With the ongoing quest to restore the Shikon no Tama, she didn’t get to go out with her friends much.

 

“You wan’ some’m tu drink, K’ome?” Yuka slurred, stumbling up to the couch. Kagome frowned, having never seen any of her friends wasted before.

 

“Sit down, Yuka,” she said, pulling gently on the girl’s arm. “Where’s your boyfriend? Maybe he should take you home.”

 

“Nonsense, K’ome! Eri tol’ us we could crash here.”

 

“Well, then maybe you should lie down.” At this, Yuka glowered down at Kagome, the effect dampened by the unintentional crossing of her eyes.

 

“Kagome, I do have some tolerance for alcohol, you know.”

 

The miko blinked; now Yuka appeared almost sober. _She must be just a little tipsy, I guess…_

 

“Okay, well then I’ll just have water.”

 

“Water! Come on, Kagome! You’re so boring! How does Inuyasha put up with you?” she joked, motioning to him. For the first time, Inuyasha joined the conversation.

 

“Trust me; Kagome is a lot of things, but she definitely isn’t boring,” he replied, waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively. Her face heated and she elbowed him in the side, earning her a gratified grin. He loved the fact that he could still make her blush even after all the times they’d been together. In her inebriated state, Yuka fortunately didn’t get the inside joke.

 

“You need anything, Yash?”

 

“Yeah. I need you three bitches to stop calling me ‘Yash!’” Yuka just giggled, turning to go get Kagome’s water. Inuyasha shook his head. When his relationship with Kagome had progressed beyond the ‘does she love me, do I love her’ stage, he had naturally become more familiar with her friends. They saw them practically every time they returned to the modern era, and the girls had accepted his nickname for them, namely ‘you three bitches.’ Kagome didn’t like it, but hey, they had started calling him ‘Yash’ first!

 

Kagome suddenly stood, startling him out of his musings as he grabbed her wrist to get her attention.

 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, wench?” he demanded, his tone playful.

 

“I changed my mind. I’d rather have something besides water, maybe something with fruit in it.”

 

Standing, Inuyasha gently pushed her back down on the couch. “I’ll get it. You stay here.”

 

And before she could protest, he was gone, weaving his way through the crowd in a way which only someone with youkai blood could manage. And he still got bumped, jostled, and groped by a few drunk kids. No, there was no way he was letting Kagome move away from that couch unless he was with her. She was the most beautiful girl in the place, and there seemed to be quite a few wandering hands among the dancing teens. Finally he reached the kitchen, where Yuka was busy preparing two fruity-smelling drinks.

 

“Oi,” he said, startling her. She jumped and spun around, hiding something behind her back in the process. She plastered on a fake smile and he raised an eyebrow at her, but let her odd behavior go without comment. Whatever she was doing, it wasn’t his business.

 

“What’s up, Yash?”

 

“Kagome said she wanted something instead of water, something ‘fruity’ if you have it.”

 

“Oh, well I was just making some fruit smoothies for me and Akira. I could make her one without alcohol. You want one?” Inuyasha considered, subtly scenting the two already prepared drinks. They smelled good, almost like strawberries if you took away the alcohol.

 

He nodded. “Without alcohol.”

 

“Oh, sure, don’t say ‘thank you’ or anything.”

 

“Feh.” Then, he exited the room, probably to return to Kagome’s side. Yuka sighed in relief and started preparing the two non-alcoholic smoothies. Inuyasha was rude and crass, but she could tell that he really did care about Kagome. And from what Kagome reluctantly confessed one night after much prodding, he was a real ‘demon in the sack.’ Yuka couldn’t help her jealousy. _Eighteen years old and already she’s found the perfect boyfriend…_ Now, her own boyfriend was nothing to complain about. She really liked Akira. He was smart, funny, basically everything she looked for in a man. But he had…problems in bed, which was why she was currently slipping ED drugs into his drink. With the scintillating moves they had been putting on each other on the dance floor, her body was already revved up and ready to go. She wanted sex tonight, and Akira would need a kick-start, especially since he wasn’t completely sober. But she didn’t want to risk emasculating him or hurting his feelings, so this was the only way to guarantee a satisfying conclusion to their evening. Sighing, she ground the little blue pill into powder and dumped the contents into his glass. Placing all four drinks on a tray, she turned and left to deliver them, not realizing that she had left the bottle of pills perched perilously on the countertop. After delivering Inuyasha and Kagome’s drinks, she went off to find Akira and lure him upstairs.

 

Inuyasha wrinkled his nose as he took a sip of his smoothie. _Damn…I thought I told that bitch no alcohol!_ Sniffing, he shrugged. The actual amount of alcohol would be inconsequential to him, and he couldn’t detect any in Kagome’s drink. So there was really no harm done, and Yuka was forgiven. Glancing lazily at the clock, he saw that it was almost nine o’clock. Kagome had said they would probably leave by ten, so that meant it was only another hour before he could get his ‘special reward!’ He sent a mental thank you to Souta for teaching him how to tell time.

 

It was some time later, when he had downed over half his drink, that Inuyasha started to feel a bit… _funny_. A familiar stirring in his loins had him crossing an ankle over his opposite knee as he subtly adjusted himself within the restrictive confines of the cursed jeans Kagome made him wear. Getting an erection was nothing unusual for him, especially with the wench around, and at first he thought that his body was just anticipating the promised events of later that evening. But then the stupid thing wouldn’t go away. Never before had thinking of either his brother, Kouga, or Naraku—and how he hated their collective guts—failed to make his eager shaft wilt like a dying plant. They didn’t even have to be naked or doing anything nasty; he found that simply bringing any of them to mind always did the trick.

 

Until tonight, that is. _What the fuck?! What’s wrong with me?_ Inuyasha felt no genuine panic, but after a solid twenty minutes of futily trying to get rid of his problem, he did start to get a little worried. Nothing like this had ever happened before. He worked hard to maintain control of his body, because when he lost control bad things happened. There was little chance of his penis going berserk and slaughtering anyone, but it still bothered him that it wasn’t obeying his commands. Perhaps someone had placed a spell on him? But who would have done such a thing? Maybe…Kagome? He quickly scratched that idea. The wench wasn’t one to use underhanded tactics like that when it came to sex. Besides, most of the time she didn’t have to do _anything_ to put him in this state. A deep sniff of that delectable scent of hers never failed to get him going. The difference between this time and every other time was that previously he had always been able to calm himself if circumstances didn’t allow him to just up and carry her off to a more private location. Something was definitely wrong; his instincts were telling him as much, and over the years he had learned to trust them without question.

 

But what could have rendered him unable to go soft? Was it something he ate? Mrs. Higurashi’s cooking had certainly never done _that_ before! Frowning, he reached down to the table and grabbed his glass, sipping the last of his smoothie. He suddenly sat straight up, spitting the liquid back into the glass as the obvious thought occurred to him. Wasting no time, he stuck his nose as far as he could into the glass and sniffed for all he was worth. _Strawberry…water…alcohol…THERE!_ Barely detectable, even though he was concentrating so hard, was the scent of something strange, but there was no doubt it was there. It smelled medicinal, similar to those ass-per-in or tie-le-naul pills Kagome sometimes took for headaches. And there was little doubt now that this medicine, which had somehow found its way into his drink, was responsible for his current condition.

 

A sharp elbow into his side broke him from his musings, as he removed his snout from the glass and glanced to his left. Kagome was glaring at him, her expression asking loud and clear, ‘what the hell are you doing?!’ Several people in the area were staring at him, clearly wondering the same thing. But he didn’t have time to be embarrassed. Mumbling something about going to the bathroom, he rose from the couch and proceeded through the mass of dancing humans once again. When he knew he was out of Kagome’s line of vision, he swerved toward the kitchen. He was glad to find it empty when he arrived; sniffing around would be a whole lot easier without worrying about trying to be subtle. He had the scent now, and put his nose to work with enthusiasm. Soon enough, he tracked the subtle aroma to an innocent-looking white bottle on the countertop. Picking it up, he examined it closely, then just as quickly gave up the attempt with a frustrated growl. Unfortunately, his mother had passed away before she could finish teaching him how to read. She taught him the basics, but that was so long ago. And some of the kanji were very strange indeed, grouped together horizontally instead of vertically.

 

At any rate, there was no way he was going to be deciphering the words on the bottle anytime soon. He could, however, at least verify that this was in fact the right bottle. Pulling the top didn’t work, and when he turned it all he got was an annoying ratcheting sound. But eventually he figured out that you had to push the top and turn it, though that discovery came only as he was about to smash the stupid thing open. And there they were. Little blue pills, bearing the same medicinal scent which lingered on both the outside of the bottle and the inside of his glass.

 

So now he had solved one mystery, but this just led to more questions. Was this medicine designed to give men erections, or was it meant for an entirely different purpose? Had it caused a strange reaction in him because he was a hanyou? It wouldn’t be that surprising; ink and all kinds of things that didn’t bother humans affected him dramatically. Most importantly, how in the hell had such a pill ended up in his drink?! Inuyasha leaned against the counter as he reflected on the events of the past hour—Yuka preparing two alcoholic smoothies for her and her boyfriend, her embarrassment at being caught doing…something, how she made two supposedly non-alcoholic smoothies for him and Kagome…

 

As he considered the potential answers to his question, two principle possibilities came to mind. First, Yuka had intentionally drugged him. That idea was fairly easy to dismiss, as he didn’t think the girl was so deceitful. And why would she need to slip him any kind of medicine? As far as he knew, there wasn’t anything seriously wrong with him, and he certainly didn’t need help satisfying his woman. The second possibility was more believable, that Yuka had given him the drug through an unfortunate blunder. After a few more seconds of contemplation, he settled on the correct version of events. _She didn’t accidently put alcohol in_ my _drink. She put the pill in her_ boyfriend’s _drink and gave it to me by mistake! Baka!_

 

Now everything seemed to indicate that the pills were made to help men become and stay aroused. The entire dance floor reeked of arousal, and it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to assume that Yuka wanted to be intimate with Akira that evening. But apparently the boy wasn’t ‘up’ for it, so Yuka decided to secretly stick a penis pill in his drink. All of that made perfect sense to Inuyasha, but he still couldn’t be sure. The possibility remained that the pill was completely innocent, and he was just having an abnormal reaction to it. And the only way to find out which scenario was actually true would be to (gulp) ask someone about it.

 

But who could he ask? The best idea would probably be to just ask Kagome, but he tanked that thought. This seemed like the sort of thing you should ask a fellow male about. He grimaced; his choice in modern men was pretty limited. He didn’t even consider Kagome’s grandfather. The old man would make assumptions without letting him explain, and he’d end up with hundreds of useless sutras stuck to him. He and Kagome had been very careful to keep their newfound intimacy from her family. He was fairly certain that her mother knew, and approved or at least accepted it. He was equally sure that Kagome’s grandfather and brother remained in the dark, and he didn’t particularly want to turn the light on for them tonight. But Souta was the only person he hadn’t eliminated, so the kid would have to do. He would just have to get his question answered without throwing the fact that he was banging the kid’s sister in his face.

 

Decision made, he glanced at the clock. It was now almost ten, and he’d been in the kitchen long enough. Fortunately, Kagome either hadn’t noticed how much time had passed or thought he was having trouble in the bathroom, because she made no comment when he returned to her side. He growled darkly, catching a very unwelcome scent emanating from the couch he was sitting on.

 

“Wench!” he whispered in her ear, causing her to break off her conversation with whoever she was chatting with.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You let that little shit sit here?!”

 

“Don’t call him that,” Kagome ordered sternly. “Hojo-kun just wanted to say hi.”

 

“Feh. Good thing. If he asked you out again I’d have to break him in half.”

 

Kagome simply rolled her eyes and went back to her talking. Inuyasha took to muttering under his breath, entertaining dark thoughts concerning maiming the modern boy who probably still harbored desires for _his_ woman, even though Kagome had informed him in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t interested. _Coward…swooping in when he thinks I’m on the crapper…maybe I_ should _slice him into pieces. As a matter of principle…_

 

Kagome forestalled any thoughts of actually carrying out his mental threats by standing and stretching. He experienced a little blip down below at the sight of her shirt rising up slightly to reveal her navel. As if he really needed anything else exciting him at the moment.

 

“You ready to go, Inuyasha?”

 

He nodded, shoving his hand in his pockets as he stood in that classic modern technique for erection concealment. His right hand wound its way around Kagome’s waist as she said goodbye to her friends, and then he led her out the door and into the cool night. She sighed contentedly, snuggling into his side and leaning her head on his shoulder.

 

“Thank you for coming, Inuyasha. I had a really good time tonight.”

 

Inuyasha smiled despite himself; let no one say he didn’t like seeing the wench happy. On a normal night, a slightly hentai remark reminding her of her promise would be on the tip of his tongue, but not tonight. Not when he wasn’t sure exactly why he’d had a raging hard-on for almost an hour. Not when his instincts were telling him something was wrong, and he wasn’t certain what that damn pill was supposed to do or what else it _could_ do. As strange as it sounded, he hoped Kagome forgot about her promise, at least until he had a chance to talk to her brother.

 

And it seemed that it truly had slipped her mind, for she changed into her pajamas and sat down to watch some TV downstairs. That was fine with Inuyasha; he had a runt to interrogate. Souta was still up since school was on break, though his bedtime was fast approaching when Inuyasha entered his room unannounced and shut the door behind him. The eleven-year-old was perplexed, though definitely not unhappy to find his hero in his room. He did, however, wonder why the hanyou looked so nervous.

 

“What’s up, Inu-no-niichan?”

 

“Shut up, kid. I need you to read something for me.”

 

A little put off by Inuyasha’s crassness, Souta decided to have a little fun with him. “But…how am I supposed to read something to you if you told me to shut up?”

 

Grrrrr. “Just read the damn thing!” Inuyasha yelled, tossing Souta the bottle of pills he pilfered from Eri’s counter. The boy’s eyes widened as he read the label. Now, Souta was no expert on sex, but he had seen enough commercials on TV to know what these pills were, and he was worldly enough to know what they were for. A million questions raced through his mind. Why did Inuyasha need these? Were he and Kagome intimately involved? He filed that under ‘things I don’t need to know about my sister.’

 

“Y-you need these, Inu-no-niichan?”

 

“Feh. Hell no! Kagome’s baka friend accidentally put one in my drink. I want to know what the hell it is! So read the damn bottle already!”

 

Souta sighed in relief. If Inuyasha and Kagome’s relationship had progressed to the point where they were having sex, then he was happy for them. But he _didn’t need to know!_

 

“Well, this is a drug for erectile dysfunction. It helps men get…hard. Uh…”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I figured that out on my own. When does it wear off?”

 

“Wear off? Well, it’s not supposed to…work until you’re… _ready_ …”

 

Inuyasha spared the embarrassed kid any further elaboration, having understood the jist of Souta’s words. The drug was only supposed to give you an erection when you were aroused; it wasn’t supposed to make you solid as stone when you weren’t about to have sex. _Damn! I knew something was wrong!_  

 

“What does it say about if the… _condition_ is persistent?”

 

Finally, the humor of the whole situation dawned on Souta. Inuyasha had taken an ED drug by accident, found that he couldn’t get rid of his erection, and now was asking a little kid for advice on how to solve the problem. He might have laughed if Inuyasha didn’t seem to think the situation was so serious. But that gave him another idea, and he barely held back a devious smirk. He had wanted to have a little fun with Inuyasha, right? _Oh, man! How am I supposed to say this with a straight face?_ Somehow, he managed.

 

“Well, it says here that if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours…it falls off.”

 

A choked sputter was Inuyasha’s only reply. He couldn’t have heard correctly, could he? Souta couldn’t possibly have just said that his dick would fall off if he couldn’t get it to soften, right? But his hearing was sharp and almost never lied. Still, he had to be sure.

 

“F-falls off?”

 

Continuing his Oscar-worthy performance, Souta nodded grimly. “When did you take the pill?”

 

“Around n-n-nine.”

 

“Well,” Souta stated miserably, glancing at the clock, which read almost ten-thirty. “I’d say you have about two and a half hours to fix your problem. Otherwise, I’m going to have to start calling you Inu-no-neechan.”

 

Inuyasha’s eyes widened in horror as the gravity of the situation truly set in, then he turned and bolted out the door. Souta managed to hold in his laughter for a few seconds, but then it poured from him in waves. The thought of Inuyasha going crazy for a couple hours, thinking that he was going to lose his manhood, brought tears of mirth to his eyes. He could imagine the hanyou yelling at his cock, cursing it, begging it…

 

It took Souta several minutes to reign in his giggles. Did he feel a little guilty? Yeah, but what harm could come of it? It wasn’t as if Inuyasha’s dick was really about to fall off. If there was going to be physical harm, it would be inflicted upon him by said hanyou. Yep, he had a little more than two hours before Inuyasha discovered his ruse and returned to chop him into sushi. But he would greatly enjoy the trick in the meantime. What Souta didn’t know, however, was that Inuyasha had a tried and true method to make himself flaccid, involving his willing girlfriend, who just happened to be the brat’s big sister.

 

* * *

 

“Inuyasha! Where are we going?!” Kagome called over the wind whistling through her hair. Inuyasha ignored her, focusing instead on making his way through the feudal countryside as quickly as possible. He knew the perfect place to take his woman, in both senses of the word. Reaching the deserted hut he had discovered far from the village, he set Kagome on her feet and spun her to face him.

 

“Inuyasha, why are we—oh…” she trailed off as she found herself pressed up against her lover’s hard male body. His hands were on her ass, gently massaging as he held her close, the evidence of his arousal pressing teasingly into her belly. Her eyes fluttered shut as a familiar heat burgeoned within her, causing her to gyrate her hips in time with his movements.

 

“Did you forget your promise to me, wench?” he rasped huskily into her ear, causing her to shudder involuntarily.

 

“Y-you know, you could have just asked,” she replied weakly, knees already wobbling from anticipation. His dark chuckle nearly turned them to jelly.

 

“Yeah, but stealing you away is more fun.” He nipped her sensitive lobe, sending a bolt of pleasure straight to her toes. Unable to stand it anymore, Kagome pulled him in for the first of many searing kisses.

 

 

*** Two Hours Later ***

 

 

“Inuyasha, please! No more! I can’t—I can’t do it anymore!”

 

Inuyasha grimaced; after several love-making sessions and countless orgasms, Kagome had finally reached her limit. Normally, he would be content to stop and cuddle long before this point, but his erection had remained constant no matter how many times he found release. Rolling off the futon, he groped for the small timepiece he had snatched off Souta’s bureau on his way out. His time—or rather, his manhood’s time—was nearly up. _Shit! I only have twelve minutes!_ Growing desperate, he mustered up his most sultry voice, the one that always turned Kagome into a puddle of needy goo.

 

“Come on, baby…one more time,” he begged, running his claws along her belly. She shivered, but still pushed him away.

 

“Inuyasha, please. I already won’t be able to walk in the morning. If we do it any more I won’t be able to walk ever again!”

 

A small part of Inuyasha was gratified by her statement, but most of him was terrified of what would come to pass in twelve— _eleven_ minutes.

 

“Dammit, wench!” he cried, the panic evident in his voice. “This is important!”

 

“Why? What’s wrong?” she asked with genuine concern.

 

“N-nothing!” he replied, reaching for her. But she rolled away, keeping him at arm’s length.

 

“Nuh-uh, mister. You keep your hands to yourself until you tell me what’s really going on.”

 

Inuyasha heaved a heavy sigh, an admission of defeat if Kagome had ever heard one. He grabbed his discarded jeans, pulling the bottle that had started this whole mess out of the pocket and tossing it to her. She examined it quizzically, then turned surprised eyes on him. _Well, at least this explains why ‘little Inuyasha’ has been so relentless tonight…_

 

“You took one of these?”

 

“Keh! Not on purpose! I think Yuka accidentally put one in my drink.”

 

“But why would she do that?”

 

“It was probably meant for Akira.”

 

At this, Kagome’s expression morphed into a classic ‘Oh’-face—to be distinguished from her Oh!-face, which he had already seen many times that evening.

 

“So what’s the big deal?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly.

 

“Wh—what’s the big deal?!” Inuyasha repeated incredulously. “Read the fuckin’ bottle, wench!”

 

“I am reading the bottle! I don’t see what you’re so worried about!”

 

“Read what it says will happen if you have an erection for four hours!”

 

“If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, you should see a physician.”

 

Inuyasha gaped, his whole body frozen stiff. Now he really must be hearing things…

 

“Read that again, wench.”

 

“If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, you should see a physician.”

 

Inuyasha’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “You’re sure that’s what it says?”

 

“Yes, I’m sure! Now what’s wrong?!”

 

But Inuyasha was no longer there; in his mind, he was back in the Higurashi household bashing Souta’s head in with the butt end of Tetsusaiga.

 

“damnsonofamotherfuckingassholejackasspieceofshi—”

 

“INUYASHA!!!”

 

Once Kagome had his undivided attention, she continued in a much softer voice. “Now, for the last time, what is the matter?” To her surprise, Inuyasha blushed hotly at the question. Now she _had_ to know what was bothering him. But before she could restate her inquiry, he leapt to his feet and started sliding on his pants.

 

“Get dressed, wench.”

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“To make you an only child!”

 

“Wh—oh, what did Souta do?”

 

“That little brat told me those pills would make my dick would fall off if I had an erection for four hours!”

 

If Inuyasha expected a coherent response from Kagome, he didn’t get one. Instead, he had to watch as his girlfriend rolled around on the floor laughing at his expense. Huffing, he went outside to sit in the cold. Eventually, Kagome dressed and made her way to join him, still giggling.

 

“I’m sorry, Inuyasha, but you have to admit that was a great prank.”

 

“Yeah, it was real fucking hilarious, wench,” he bit out sarcastically.

 

“Oh, come on. Lighten up! Kids his age play tricks all the time.”

 

“Keh. I’m still gonna pound him.”

 

“You won’t hurt him,” Kagome replied calmly and assuredly. She yawned, her eyelids drooping. Shaking his head, Inuyasha turned and offered her his back. She gratefully accepted the ride, and was asleep within a few minutes. For Inuyasha, the trek back to the well was consumed with thoughts of payback and revenge. The wench was right; he could never hurt Souta. The kid wasn’t a hard-headed demon like Shippou, for one thing. But that didn’t mean the brat was getting off scot-free. No, he would have his payback, and it would be every bit as good as Souta’s prank.

 

In retrospect, he supposed it had been a _little_ funny…


	2. Payback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Sequel to Erectile Dysinformation, which I have incorporated as the second chapter of the fic. Written in 2009 and lightly edited in 2015.

“What the fuck do you want?!”

 

Jumping, Kagome pulled the phone away from her ear for a moment. “Kami, Yuka! You scared me half to death!”

 

“Oh, it’s you, Kagome,” Yuka said, only slightly embarrassed at her outburst. “Why on Earth are you calling me at this ungodly hour?”

 

“Uh…it’s eleven-thirty in the morning, Yuka.” A miserable grunt was her only reply. “You don’t sound too good. Are you sick?” The other girl laughed, though there was no amusement in the sound.

 

“Clearly you’ve never had a hangover before.”

 

“No, I haven’t. Is it that bad?”

 

“I feel like I got hit by a truck…repeatedly.”

 

“Oh, sorry.”

 

Yuka sighed. “What do you want, Kagome?” she asked exasperatedly.

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out for lunch?”

 

A loud groan reached Kagome’s ears through the receiver. “L-lunch! Are you fucking insane?! The next time you mention something having to do with food, I’m gonna hurl!”

 

“Aw, come on, Yuka! It’ll be fun!”

 

“Forget it, Kagome.”

 

“Well you can’t just lie in bed all day! Besides, I have something that belongs to you.”

 

“It can wait.”

 

“You won’t feel better unless you get up and do something.”

 

“Says the rube who’s never had a drop of alcohol in her life.”

 

Kagome harrumphed. “Well, I may be a ‘rube’ when it comes to drinking, but having an empty stomach can’t be helping your body recover. I’m coming over to your house, and we’re going out for lunch. If you aren’t ready when I get there, I’m dragging you out the door in your pajamas or whatever you have on!”

 

“Alright, alright, if it will get you to stop blabbing!”

 

“Great! See you in a few!”

 

“Mm.” *Click*

 

* * *

 

“Ah, what a gorgeous day!” Kagome twirled on the sidewalk, taking pleasure from the simple beauty of nature, even inside a crowded city. Her droopy-eyed, frizzy-haired friend was not impressed.

 

“It’s too damn bright.”

 

“Aw, lighten up, Yuka! So what do you want to eat?”

 

“Something that won’t make me sick.”

 

“How about ramen, then?”

 

Yuka grunted. They got a table at a small restaurant which Kagome had taken Inuyasha to last month. He loved the ramen here, and that kind of food probably wouldn’t upset Yuka’s turbulent stomach too much. After placing her order, the girl folded her arms on the tabletop and rested her head on them.

 

“It’s that bad?” Kagome asked again. “You didn’t seem that drunk last night…”

 

“I wasn’t. At least, not while you were there.” Picking her head up to make sure no one was eavesdropping, Yuka lowered her voice. “Remember those pills I bought for Akira?”

 

“Yeah. I still say you should just talk to him about it.”

 

“Whatever. Anyway, I put one in his drink, but it didn’t work. And then I couldn’t find the stupid bottle to give him another one. He passed out, and I drank myself to sleep. It sucked.”

 

At this point, Kagome smirked, and Yuka suddenly had a bad feeling about this whole conversation.

 

“Would this be the bottle you were looking for, Yuka?” Kagome asked, taking the container of ED pills out of her purse and setting it on the table between them.

 

“How—? Wha—? How did you get those?” Yuka stuttered. “Why did you take them?” she asked, as annoyed as she was curious.

 

“I didn’t. Inuyasha did.”

 

Okay, now Yuka was just confused. “But I thought he didn’t nee—”

 

“He doesn’t.” Leaning closer, grinning ear to ear, Kagome finally decided to enlighten her friend. “You gave Inuyasha the wrong drink, Yuka.” It was comical really, watching the emotions flash across the other girl’s face. Shock, understanding, and finally embarrassment graced her features before she put her head in her hands.

 

“Oh, Kami! I can’t believe I did that! I’m sorry, Kagome!”

 

Kagome chuckled merrily. “Don’t worry, Yuka, I’m definitely not angry,” she replied, a wistful smile on her face.

 

“Well, it sounds like somebody had a nice night.”

 

“I guess you could say that,” Kagome answered shyly, blushing.

 

“I thought you were walking a little… _gingerly_ today,” Yuka said, causing Kagome’s countenance to flush deeper red. “So, is Inuyasha mad?”

 

“No, but he is pretty furious with Souta.”

 

“Why? What did your brother do?”

 

“Well, Inuyasha figured out from his _reaction_ what had happened, but he couldn’t read the English on the bottle.” Kagome hated lying to her friends, but sometimes a little distortion of the truth was best for everyone. “He took the bottle back to Souta to translate, and the imp told him his… _thing_ would fall off if he had an erection lasting more than four hours!”

 

It took Yuka several minutes to reign in her giggles. “And Inuyasha believed him?!”

 

Kagome shrugged. “He grew up in a really rural area, so he doesn’t have much experience with a lot of modern conveniences.”

 

“I didn’t know your brother was so devious.”

 

“Yeah, he can be. I have a feeling Inuyasha’s going to get him back for this one though.”

 

“I hope he does. That’s a mean trick to play on a guy. I mean, what’s a man without a penis?”

 

“A eunuch?”

 

“Ha ha, real funny, Kagome.”

 

* * *

 

Inuyasha sat brooding in Goshinboku on his side of the well. He hadn’t put up a fuss when Kagome left to go have lunch with her friend. No, he wasn’t going anywhere until he was ready to face Souta, with a suitable payback in mind. But thinking of something that satisfied both definitions of the word ‘appropriate’ was proving difficult. It had to be retribution to fit the severity of the crime, and also something that wouldn’t scar the kid for life and drive Kagome to ‘osuwari’ him into a crater. Or worse, rescind his sexual privileges. He smirked despite himself, unsure who that would punish more…

 

But he had no intention of finding out, and had already ruled out anything having to do with getting Souta to take one of the ‘dick-upper’ pills, as he called them. Kagome had taken the bottle with her, and he knew the Higurashi family well enough to know his boundaries. So giving Souta a medicine that only adults should take was not an option. But there had to be something he could do! Something that would make the kid think twice before ever playing another trick on him. But what? After another hour of contemplating in vain, Inuyasha growled and leapt down from the tree. He never had a real brother or any childhood companions, so this kind of stuff was completely new to him. It was clear he needed help, but he was reluctant to enlist the aid of the resident trickster. No, asking Shippou for help would probably lead to ‘the talk,’ and he was certainly not ready for that. When the runt was old enough, that duty was getting pawned off to the hentai monk.

 

What about the monk? Miroku had a sense of humor, and might be able to come up with some good ideas. Still, Inuyasha hesitated. Would the monk make fun of him for getting tricked? Would Miroku hold this over his head for all eternity if he was made privy to it? _Keh, what am I worried about? It’s not like the bouzu’s any smarter than I am when it comes to Kagome’s world._ Decision made, he stormed off to seek out the lecherous monk.

 

Miroku was interrupted from a very enjoyable pastime—watching the young village girls wash clothes in the river. He was pretending to meditate, so they completely ignored him as their supple bodies moved up and down…up and down… And then he found himself being dragged off by the collar of his robes, watching longingly as the collection of provocatively swaying female behinds faded into the distance.

 

“Inuyasha,” he asked in exasperation. “Where are you taking me? If you wanted to talk we could have done so by the river.”

 

“Feh. You know damn well you wouldn’t have listened to a word I said, not with all those girls there.”

 

Miroku smiled wryly. _Well, he’s got me there…_ “Well I think we’re far enough away so nobody can hear us. So you can stop dragging me on my ass now!”

 

Without any preamble, Inuyasha released him, causing Miroku to nearly fall on his back. Turning to face the hanyou, he crossed his legs as Inuyasha sat and mirrored his pose. “Now, what is the matter?”

 

“Uh, yesterday, Kagome and I went to a party…” Inuyasha began, recapping in mortifying detail the events of the day before, including his _condition_ and how he figured out what caused it. His face matched his haori, and Miroku looked like he was barely holding in his laughter. That is, until Inuyasha told him what Souta said.

 

“He said WHAT?!!!” the monk shouted in an uncharacteristic display of raw passion.

 

“You heard me, bouzu.”

 

Frowning, Miroku took hold of his staff—his _metal_ staff—and thumped Inuyasha squarely in the privates.

 

“AAARRGGHHH!!!!” the hanyou cried as he doubled over. “Wh-what the fuck was that for?!”

 

“Just checking, Inuyasha,” Miroku replied with a smirk.

 

“You damn bouzu! I’ll grind your nuts into powder!”

 

“Not if you want my help in paying Kagome’s brother back, you won’t. That is what this is all about, is it not?” At Inuyasha’s dumbfounded nod, Miroku stood and began pacing back and forth. “It must be something elegant, but brutally effective at the same time. This Souta must be made to understand that you don’t joke about things like that! After all, what’s a man without a penis?”

 

“A really ugly woman?”

 

Miroku sweatdropped. “That was a rhetorical question, Inuyasha.”

 

“A what?”

 

“Never mind. Have you come up with any ideas?”

 

“None that wouldn’t put me in Kagome’s doghouse.”

 

Miroku grinned at this comment, a look that made Inuyasha worry. “Ah, yes,” the monk drolled, “just what did you do last night after Souta played his trick on you? Or perhaps I should ask, how many times did you do it?”

 

“Shut the fuck up, bouzu!” Inuyasha ordered, flushing again.

 

Miroku sighed wistfully. “You are a lucky dog, my friend. Sango still insists on waiting until we are married to go any farther than kissing. I respect her wishes, but it is difficult, especially when _someone_ keeps rubbing my nose in his own sexual adventures.”

 

“Feh! You’re the one who brought it up, asshole! Besides, maybe Sango would be more willing to fool around if you didn’t come on to every pretty woman you meet.”

 

“B-but, the hand! It’s curs—”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Stop bullshitting and start thinking of ways to get Souta back!”

 

Miroku sighed dejectedly, but he nevertheless turned his full attention to Inuyasha’s problem. Unfortunately, he was in much the same boat as the hanyou when it came to childhood experience with pranks. It was several minutes before either man spoke.

 

“Well, got any ideas, bouzu?”

 

“Perhaps. I think scaring Souta is the best way to go. It won’t hurt him, and the memory of that fear can be a very powerful deterrent the next time he thinks about playing a trick on you.”

 

“Yeah, so how do we scare him?”

 

“I’m not sure. I thought of shikigami…”

 

“Shikigami? How would I use those?”

 

“Well, do you remember those two sexy priestesses Momiji and Botan?”

 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I remember. Somehow I don’t think a giant, fake-looking doll of me would scare Souta. A Kagome one, maybe,” he said with a smirk.

 

“I’ll be sure to tell Kagome-sama you said that.”

 

“Not unless you want Sango to know why you insist on meditating by the river.”

 

Miroku chuckled nervously. “Yes, well…back to the task at hand! It’s easy enough to make shikigami, and I have the power to animate them, but I don’t have much skill in crafting their appearances. Perhaps Shippou could help us with that.”

 

“Fuck no! We’re not telling the runt about this!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Uh…he’s too young!”

 

Miroku leaned his forehead into his palm with an exasperate sigh. “Inuyasha, I never said he needed to know all the details. We’ll just tell him Souta played a trick on you and you want to get him back.” Inuyasha was still hesitant, but gave in despite his reservations. The two co-conspirators set off to track down the young fox kit. They found him practicing his kitsune-bi in a meadow near the bone-eater’s well.

 

“Oi, ru—” Miroku elbowed him in the side, his frown indicating his displeasure. Inuyasha growled to himself; he was going to have to be _nice_ , and he hated it. “Uh, Shippou, could you come over here please?” His request had the opposite of its intended effect, however. Instead of putting Shippou at ease, it spooked him and put him on edge. After all, what possible reason could Inuyasha have for being nice to him? This could either be very good or very bad.

 

“Wh-what do you want, Inuyasha?” he asked, keeping a safe distance between them.

 

“Dammit! Just fucking get over here!” Oddly, that demand put Shippou at ease, though he still complied warily. The three males sat in a rough triangle, with Shippou closer to Miroku than he was Inuyasha. The hanyou looked nervous, while the monk just seemed amused.

 

“Okay, what’s up?”

 

“Well, Shippou,” Miroku interjected before Inuyasha could answer, “Kagome-sama’s younger brother played a trick on Inuyasha and we’d like your help in paying him back.”

 

“What kind of trick?”

 

“We ain’t fuckin’ telli—” *Bonk* Inuyasha scowled at Miroku, rubbing the bruise on his head, courtesy of the monk’s staff.

 

“It was the kind of trick you should never play on a man, Shippou.” The kit was confused by the monk’s words, but shrugged it off. Judging by Inuyasha’s reaction, it wouldn’t to any good to pry.

 

“Okay, what do you want me to do?”

 

“Well, we were thinking of using shikigami to scare him, but I don’t know how to make them look like terrifying youkai. I thought you might be able to do something with your kitsune-bi.”

 

“Uh…did you try just drawing on them?”

 

Inuyasha and Miroku shared a look. Why hadn’t they thought of the most obvious thing?

 

“Hmm…that would probably work!” the monk exclaimed. “Shippou, you’re the resident artist, so why don’t you draw on them?”

 

“Okay,” the kit replied with an evil smirk on his face, “but I’ll want some things in return.”

 

Grrrrrr. “How about this?” Inuyasha posed while raising his fist menacingly. “Do it, and I _won’t_ bash your head in.”

 

“Now, now, Inuyasha,” Miroku scolded, “you can’t just force Shippou to do what you want. You have to bargain.”

 

“Bargain my ass! I’ll do it myself!” the hanyou yelled as he stood to storm off.

 

“Yeah,” Shippou quipped, “if you want them to make Kagome’s brother laugh. Face it, Inuyasha. You couldn’t even draw a stick figure!”

 

Inuyasha grimaced; the kit was right. He could only imagine just how bad anything designed by him would look. “What are your demands, runt?” he ground out through clenched teeth.

 

At this, Shippou’s smile grew mischievous. “From now on you have to call me ‘Shippou- _sama_ , The Great Lord of the Kitsune, Protector of Weak Humans and Hanyou, Savior of—’”

 

“WHAT?!!! Come here, you little shi—” *Bonk* “Dammit, bouzu! Stop fuckin’ doing that!”

 

“Calm yourself, baka. Shippou, perhaps you should make a more reasonable demand.”

 

“Okay,” the kit replied, biting his lower lip in concentration. “Oh! From now on, whenever there’s one piece of dinner left, you have to let me have it. You can’t bop me on the head and take it!”

 

“That seems reasonable to me. Do you agree, Inuyasha?” The hanyou had different ideas about what was reasonable, but he assented nonetheless.

 

“And one more thing,” Shippou added. “You can’t tell Kagome I helped you. _When_ you get in trouble for this, I had nothing to do with it.”

 

“Feh. Why would it piss Kagome off? I’m just gonna scare her brother a little.”

 

“You’ll screw it up. You always do.”

 

“Shut up, runt. We’ll see about that.”

 

* * *

 

Inuyasha exited the well-house and took his first breath of the polluted city air of Kagome’s era. He was feeling good about his payback. It was late afternoon, and he fully intended to make the remainder of the evening Souta’s own private hell.

 

“Hey, Inu-no-niichan! What’s up?”

 

Inuyasha grinned, revealing one of his fangs. _Speak of the devil…_ The kid was outside kicking around his soccer ball, and Inuyasha was pleased to detect a twinge of nervousness in his scent. _Good, he should be afraid!_

 

“Where’s your sister, kid?”

 

“At the mall. She called and said she and Yuka were going.” Inuyasha grimaced, remembering the afternoon he had spent at said shopping center, carrying bags and following Kagome and her giggling friends. The other boyfriends had been just as miserable as he, but none of them had to deal with the overwhelming sounds and smells of that place. There were just too many damn humans in Kagome’s time.

 

“Want me to teach you how to play soccer?” Souta asked, an attempt to make peace if Inuyasha had ever heard one. _Heh. Sorry kid, but you’re not getting off the hook that easily, even if you apologize_.

 

“I’ll pass.” With that, he strolled away, crossing the shrine grounds and ducking around the other side of the house. Souta resumed his game, and Inuyasha waited several minutes before subtly flicking a shikigami onto the pavement. Miroku had already charged them, and each was set to activate soon after being separated from its fellow shikigami. Shippou’s artwork was impressive, much more detailed than the drawings he did for fun. It had taken him several hours to adorn a handful of shikigami with scaly skin, sharp claws, and even drooling mouths with huge teeth. They had tested one on the other side of the well, and it almost looked like a real youkai. He was confident an inexperienced eye would be unable to see past the illusion. And just for added effect, Miroku had written some lines on each shikigami, so they would use a few actual words instead of just making dull noises. Yep, this was going to scare the shit out of Souta, perhaps literally.

 

After a few seconds, the shikigami transformed in a flash of light, instantly becoming a large green reptilian youkai. The thing lumbered toward Souta, who happened to be facing the other direction and didn’t turn around until the shadow fell over him. The kid’s petrified expression was priceless; it looked as if his eyes might inflate like balloons and shoot out of his head.

 

“Human,” the fake youkai addressed the trembling boy, “where are the jewel shards?”

 

“I-I-I d-dunno,” Souta managed, causing Inuyasha to laugh with glee. _Nice back story, Miroku! The jewel shards are probably upstairs in Kagome’s room, so it’s entirely believable that the youkai would have sensed them. Like that stupid Noh mask!_

 

“Then I’ll just devour you!” the youkai declared, reaching a clawed hand toward his prey.

 

“WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” Souta’s scream was genuine, and composed of 100% pure terror. Inuyasha waited another second before bolting around the side of the house.

 

“Oi, brat! Wha— What the fuck is that thing?!” Not waiting for a response, he leapt at the shikigami and dispatched it with a single slash from Tetsusaiga. It seemed to disintegrate into dust; the only thing left was the remains of the tiny paper figure, which he shrewdly covered with a foot. Souta was still too frozen in fear to notice such a small detail anyway.

 

“Souta? What’s the matter?” Mrs. Higurashi called as she leaned out the front door.

 

“Good heavens! What’s all the ruckus, lad?!” Souta’s grandfather yelled as he emerged from the storage shed.

 

“Nothing serious!” Inuyasha answered both of them. “The baka tripped and almost fell down the shrine steps. Had to snatch him out of the air.”

 

“Oh,” the boy’s mother said. “Be more careful, Souta! And thank you for saving him, Inuyasha,” she stated, giving him a heartwarming smile. Inuyasha bowed politely and waved her off, in a better mood than he had been in a long time. _This is great! Not only did I nearly scare Souta out of his skin, but his family thinks I saved his life!_

 

“W-why didn’t you tell them a y-y-youkai attacked?” Souta asked as his relatives went back to their previous activities.

 

“Feh. Your mom would just worry, and the jijii would run around putting useless sutras all over the place. Telling them wouldn’t make a difference, anyway. You helpless humans can’t do shit about youkai.”

 

Souta’s face paled further, if that was possible. He certainly didn’t need another reminder of his own vulnerability. “B-b-but you could smell if another one was coming, right?”

 

Inuyasha rubbed his chin as if he was deep in thought. “Dunno. I didn’t smell that youkai. I guess it didn’t have much of a scent to it.”

 

Souta gulped, glancing around uneasily, and Inuyasha decided to press his advantage.

 

“You know,” he observed casually, “weak youkai like that usually travel in groups, so there are probably more.” Evidently, that had been too much. Souta frowned, his sudden suspicion apparent. He was a smart kid, so it was no surprise that he smelled a rat.

 

“Inuyasha, are you sure those were real youkai? You aren’t playing a trick on me, are you?” If he hadn’t anticipated this question, Inuyasha probably would have panicked and given away the whole scheme. But he had put a lot of thought and effort into this plan, and figured Souta would grow skeptical at some point. He hadn’t expected it to be so soon, but he was ready nonetheless. Putting on his most serious expression, he put the finishing touch on his own Oscar-worthy performance.

 

“If only, Souta. If only…” he said solemnly, further spooking the boy by using his actual name instead of ‘brat’ or ‘kid.’ Inuyasha could tell by scent alone that he had Souta hanging on every word, his suspicions replaced by fear. The kid grabbed his ball and turned to run inside, but Inuyasha’s voice stopped him.

 

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that little prank you pulled last night. I _will_ pay you back.”

 

Souta gulped again, his anxiety spiking through the roof as he dashed through the front door. Inuyasha snickered quietly to himself. Did he feel a little guilty? Yeah, but the brat deserved it. He still had a handful of shikigami, but he didn’t want to scar the kid for life. One more would have to do. Now to think of the perfect time and place to deploy it…

 

Souta almost didn’t come down for dinner, and when he did his hands could be seen vibrating as he tried to eat. His eyes were constantly in motion, nervously scanning the room. Oh, he hid it well enough so his family wouldn’t notice, but if you were watching for them, the signs of his apprehension were clear as day. After dinner, Souta went back upstairs to shower and Inuyasha helped Mrs. Higurashi wash the dishes. It was as he was running his hands through the warm, soapy water that the idea came to him. A dastardly evil, _perfect_ idea. He quickly finished the dishes and hurried off to put his plan into action. He could hear the shower running on the other side of the bathroom door. Grinning maniacally, he selected a shikigami from the group and pushed it under the door. He had purposefully chosen a smaller shikigami, one that would be able to fit in the confined space. It wouldn’t hurt the kid, but just the thought of Souta bolting out of the bathroom stark naked in terror made him want to start cackling like a lunatic. He settled for an anticipatory smirk.

 

“Hey, Inu-no-niichan, what are you doing?”

 

“Shut up, kid. I’m trying to play a trick on you.”

 

It took a little over a half a second for Inuyasha to realize that something was very wrong here. Spinning, he looked with horror at the object of his trick, standing innocently in the middle of the hallway.

 

“What the—?! Why aren’t you in the bathroom?!”

 

Souta quirked his head to the side. “Nee-chan beat me to it. Why?” Then his eyes lit up in understanding. “Hey! You really were playing a trick on me!”

 

Inuyasha’s reply was forestalled by a shriek from the bathroom, quickly followed by a blast of purifying energy that made his hair stand on end. It was a very feminine scream, one he had heard countless times before. Normally it instilled a certain fear in him, but never for _himself_. Yet here he was, counting down the seconds to his own doom as the water stopped running. How had he not noticed that it was Kagome in there and not Souta? How had he not picked up her scent? He must have simply missed it in his excitement. He turned toward Souta just in time to see the door to the boy’s bedroom slam shut. Souta had seen the wrath of his sister many times before, and knew the best tactic was to run and hide. That wasn’t an option for Inuyasha; he would have to face his girlfriend sooner or later, and he would be damned if he _ever_ fled from her.

 

“Inuyasha!” Kagome exclaimed as she yanked the door open. “Explain this!” she demanded, holding up the charred remains of the shikigami. Inuyasha’s mouth went dry; he couldn’t even muster any kind of coherent response. But it wasn’t fear that paralyzed him so. Kagome was wrapped in nothing but a towel. Her hair was mess, and her eyes shone with indignation and rage. The droplets of water clinging to her skin shimmered teasingly, the sight of her stirring his blood. In short, she was breathtaking. And she was pissed. She advanced on him, and he backed up until they were inside her bedroom. Realizing that there was nowhere else to go, he tried to explain himself.

 

“W-wait, Kagome! I—”

 

“Osuwari!” When nothing happened, Kagome began an epic rant. “Ooooh, sometimes you make me wish I’d never taken that rosary off! Why would you do something like that? For shits and giggles?! Honestly, I could have broken my neck, or…”

 

Inuyasha tuned her out, wracking his brain for a way to get her to shut up so he could justify his actions. In the end, only one came to mind. Stepping to her, he looped his arm around her waist and smashed her to him as he leaned down and planted his lips on hers. She stiffened and struggled for a few seconds, but eventually gave in as the scent of mutual arousal filled the air. She didn’t melt into his embrace like she normally did, however. Instead, she shoved him backward until he collapsed on the bed. She loomed over him, like a tigress getting ready to pounce on helpless prey, as she flung the towel from her body.

 

* * *

 

Inuyasha smiled lazily to himself as he reclined on the bed, both hands folded behind his head and his woman snoozing on his chest. Just when he thought they had done everything two people could do with sex… Doing it while one of them was angry was definitely something new. Kagome had never manhandled him quite like that before. Oh, sure, she had taken control of their lovemaking on numerous occasions, but at no time had she ever completely dominated him as she had an hour ago. The egotistical male in him deeply resented the fact that he had still enjoyed it immensely. His youkai pride demanded that he turn the tables. Maybe when Kagome woke up.

 

She stirred slightly and he peered down at her, running his fingers through her hair. How could an angel be such a demon in the sack? Chocolate eyes blinked open, and she yawned before raising her head and meeting his gaze. She flushed slightly, embarrassed by her boldness, but grinned nonetheless.

 

“Hey, baka,” she murmured.

 

“Baka? Why am I a baka?”

 

“Maybe ‘cause you almost gave me a heart attack in the shower! What the hell was that all about?”

 

“Keh. Sorry, it was meant for Souta.”

 

“Oh, your payback?”

 

Inuyasha nodded. “Yeah, it worked once. I guess I got greedy.”

 

“Those shikigami were really well done. Who made them?”

 

“The bouzu, and Shippou drew—ah, crap!”

 

“What?”

 

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you that Shippou helped. I don’t feel like listening to his whining, so you didn’t hear that from me, got it?”

 

Kagome favored him with a sultry smirk. “Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do to me if I decide to tell him anyway?”

 

“Bitch,” Inuyasha growled playfully as he pinned her beneath him. Kagome would have to spend another morning walking around gingerly…

 

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> A/N – for a good laugh (hopefully you’ve had one—or several—already), check out this picture which Inu Hanyou Nikkie sent me:  
> http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/9823/inuyashacomic001tk2.jpg
> 
> Other Notes:  
> (1) I realize this story takes a very western approach to the whole party scene, but that’s all I have to go on. I gathered some interesting information from various internet sources. First, drinking is fairly prevalent in Japan, and about 70-75% of alcohol consumed is beer. Underage drinking is fairly common as well, since law enforcement of the age limit is somewhat lax. I do not know if they serve fruit smoothies in Japan.   
> (2) I also found out that the Japanese do use ED drugs. The market is in fact dominated by Viagra and Levitra. But because of a stigma associated with erectile dysfunction, the sales are not what the American pharmaceutical companies hoped for.   
> (3) Earlier, Souta addresses Inuyasha in his customary manner: as “Dog Brother.” Here, he’s saying he might have to start calling Inuyasha “Dog Sister.”


End file.
